Goodbyes
by JackGirl
Summary: The Pevensies have said many goodbyes in their lives, to family, to friends, to each other, yet it never seems to get easier.
1. Mrs Pevensie

So, real life happened and I didn't have time to write. Then I realized how much I miss it and decided that it is high time I finished "Goodbye". Here is chapter one, edited again, and the rest will follow soon. I hope.

Part One: Mrs. Pevensie

My little girl is off to school for the first time today. I can remember so clearly the day we brought her home, so small and sweet. Now there she is, ready to face the world without her mum.

"Do you have your lunch?" I have asked before, but I ask again, at least once more.

"Yes mum." She is only six, yet she is already organized. I am quite sure Peter had something to do with that.

"Peter?" I have to be certain that my eldest knows where to take her.

"Don't worry mum, she'll be fine." I open my mouth to remind him when he cuts me off and states: "I will take her to the room with the other first years. I will make sure Mrs. Lowe knows she is there." I notice him bend over and am about to ask what he is doing when I realize he is handing Edmund his lunch. I knew I forgot something. "And I will ask what time I need to pick her up." Peter finishes then walks over and placed his hand on Susan's shoulder, where I was currently straightening her scarf. "We'll be fine." _When did that boy grow up so much?_ I wonder absently to myself.

"You should go now; you don't want to be late on your first day of school."

I hear a chorus of "bye mum's!" as Peter and Edmund rush for the door.  
"Not so fast you two!" I open my arms and they both run back for a goodbye hug before Peter grabs Lucy's hand and once again heading for the door. Lucy protests though, wanting a hug of her own. I could do nothing more than smile, hold back my tears, and then wave goodbye.

"Goodbye Peter." I wave at them. "Make sure the girls are bundled up for the walk home!" His only response is a wave. "Goodbye, Susan, Lucy, I'll see you this evening." Both girls wave back to me.

"Goodbye, Edmund. Don't forget to bring your lunch pail home!"

"Goodbye, Mum!" They call again.

"Goodbye children." A lone tear slips down my face. "Goodbye."

* * *

"Are you certain you have everything?" The only response I receive is a deep sigh.

"Do you have your ticket?" The ticket is dutifully displayed.

"Is your suitcase labeled?" I get a nod this time.

"Do you have your lunch?" A brown bag is fished out of a pocket.

"Mum!" Peter's voice breaks into my buzzing mind. "Mum, calm down, I have everything that I need."

"Are you certain?" I cannot stop myself from asking once more.

"Mum, we have been over it at least seven times."

"Oh." I know I am over reacting, but this is the first time he has ever been away to school and I do not want him to forget anything. I just pray he will be okay. That he will make friends quickly, and be happy.

How can the clock move that fast? Just a moment ago it was 9:15, now it is almost 9:45. That means it is time for him to get on the train.

"Are you certain you have everything?" The only response I receive is a deep sigh. "Do you have your ticket?"

"Mum!" Peter's voice is taking on an irritated quality.

"Yes, Peter?" I ask soothingly.

"Please stop asking me." He instantly looks sorry for snapping at me. "I mean, I already have everything you asked about."

"I know you do Peter, I just want you to be prepared." Peter smiles and leans in for a farewell hug.

"Now Peter, are you certain you—"

"Mum, I have my ticket, my suitcase is labeled, I have my lunch, and it is time for me to get on the train."

I only have time for a kiss on the forehead, one last hug and a quick goodbye. Then he is gone. My first baby is actually leaving. I know he will be back for Christmas, but that seems so far away now that he is gone. I do nothing but stand and wave.

His head appears out a window. "Goodbye mum!" He calls. "Goodbye!"

"Goodbye, Peter!" _Be safe,_I pray, _please be safe._ "Goodbye."

* * *

I don't know what is worse, the look in his eye or the expression on his face. Edmund has never looked this angry before in his life. Yet, somehow, here he is, with a cruel gleam in his eye and a scowl on his face. I pull him closer to me, but he only pushes away.

"Hello, Ed!" Lucy's voice echoes down the stairs, moments before she flies into the room, a brilliant smile on her face.

"Hello, Lucy." It is not much of a greeting, sneer more than smile, yet it does nothing to dampen Lucy's ever-high spirits.

"Are you leaving so soon?" Lucy begins to pout and I am proud of her ability to look past Edmund's recent behavior.

"Why would I want to stay around here?" Edmund's cruelty brings tears to my eyes.

"Edmund, please." I force my voice to remain calm. "Gather your things. It's time to go to the station." He turns with a grunt and heads for the door. I am running out of ways to get through to him. The tension has only just begun to lighten after Peter left. They did nothing but fight over the Christmas holidays. I try to pull him close for a hug, but he pulls away before we make contact.

"Goodbye, Edmund."

"Bye mum." It is not much, but it is something. I walk them both to the door to the door. I have a quick hug for Richard and another attempt at one for Edmund. They both climb in and close the doors. I hold up my hand in a final wave, but it goes unanswered.

"Goodbye, Edmund." I whisper softly at the retreating car. "Goodbye."

* * *

"Can I come?" Lucy's voice breaks through my busy thoughts. She has asked me this question several times, and I am quite certain she has also asked Richard, though I do not think she does as often.

"I'm sorry, Lucy," I pause, trying to think of a better way to put it than her parents need a rest. "There are not enough beds in the hotel room. The conference would only pay for a certain size." We are attending a business conference, and my Richard's work would only pay for the two of us to attend.

"I don't take up much room." Her lower lip is beginning to quiver. "Please don't leave me here alone with Edmund." That last plea hit a chord. I actually am worried about Edmund's behavior while we are gone.

"Susan will look after you." It is odd having the majority of our children home again. For a year and a half it had only been Susan and Lucy. But after Edmund's recent behavior my husband had decided to change his school. Since he had been pulled in the middle of the year we decided to let him stay home until he could attend the same school as Peter next year. That was going to be interesting. Whenever Peter came home the two did nothing but fight.

"Mummy, please?" Lucy rarely resorted to begging anymore and I know that she is really upset about this. "Please take me with you?"

"Lucy, you are going to have to be a big girl." I could see her expression drop at this.

"But mummy, Ed is being so horrible!" She is starting to look desperate.

"I know darling, but Susan will look after you." She simply nods and drags her feet all the way to the door.

The rest of the day rushes by; I have so much to get done and so little time to do it. I remind Susan to look after the younger ones and call us if anything goes wrong. Though I think I may have said something already. Then I realize that we have to be at the station and almost have a panic attack before I realize my wonderful husband already packed the car.

"Goodbye, Susan! Goodbye, Edmund! Goodbye, Lucy!"

My hurried cries are echoed by my husband, and we hear a chorus of "bye mum, bye dad!" The car turns the corner and they are out of sight. "They're going to be fine." Richard promises, taking my hand.

"Goodbye, Children." I cannot help but whisper one last time. "Goodbye."

* * *

Enjoy and please review!

Jackie


	2. Mr Pevensie

Four years ago. It has been four years since I updated this story. I know how bad I hate it when other people do it so I applogize for this. It was taking so long because I was trying to get these perfect and then I lost what I had done. So, these aren't perfect, but they are as done as they will ever be.

* * *

Part Two: Mr. Pevensie

I can feel my resolve melting as she looks up at me with those big blue eyes.

"Please don't go daddy." Her lower lip begins to quiver, I know she is trying to be brave like her mum and not cry.

"I'll be back Princess, don't worry." I lean down so she can wrap her arms around me.

"Tomorrow?" The innocence in her voice, the sincere hope that I will be back so soon further destroys my already broken heart.

"No baby, not tomorrow or the day after."

"When then?"

"As soon as I can." I know the promise is weak, it's just that hate to tell her I won't be home for months, that span of time is still beyond her.

She leans on me, wrapping her arms around as far as she can. "Please don't go daddy." She repeats, more of a whimper now than actual words. "Please."

"Sorry Princess," I can tell my voice is about to break. For a bleak moment I wonder if this is the last time I will hold my baby in my arms. I force the thought from my mind and give her one last squeeze. "Goodbye Princess." I wave goodnight and send her up to bed, we are just going to let her sleep tomorrow morning, she thinks I am leaving tonight, I only hope she does not wake up.

"Goodbye daddy, goodnight."

"Goodnight Princess, goodbye."

* * *

I decided to let my wife sleep in and went down stairs to make myself coffee. The bag setting beside the front door was a cold reminder of what I was doing today.

"Good morning dad." Peter's bleak voice greets me from somewhere in the vicinity of the kitchen.

"Good morning son." He is sitting by the table drinking a glass of water; the smell informs me that he has already begun the coffee. I wonder if I look as miserable as he does, I know I feel it.

I sit down across from him, knowing that we will not have another chance to talk alone before I have to leave.

"Peter," I began, unsure of what to say next. I paused for a moment, allowing my mind to collect itself. "I know you already know this," I paused again, knowing that was not the best thing to say. If he knew it why tell him? "I want you to look after your sisters, especially little Lucy, she will be starting school soon." Peter only nodded. "And look after your brother, he is still trying to figure out where his place is in this family, be nice to him." Once again, nothing but a nod. "Will you be okay son?" I knew it was a foolish question the moment it left my mouth, but I needed to know the answer.

"Yes," he sounded tired and I wondered if he had slept at all last night. "I will be." It was my turn to nod.

I stood and walked toward him and he stood in response. I wrapped him in a tight hug, "I love you son." I said quietly into the top of his head, I was uncertain if he even heard until he hugged tighter and said whispered something that sounded like "you too."

I held him at arms distance for a moment, he seemed older already, and I knew he would make a fine man for this family. One day. For now, he was still too young, far too young.

"Goodbye Peter, look after the family." He seemed unable to speak and once again only nodded.

I could hear footsteps on the stair that sounded like Susan. One more swift embrace, then we were no longer alone.

"Goodbye dad." Peter's voice was almost so soft I could barely hear it.

"Goodbye Peter." There were so many things that I wanted to tell him, remind him to look after his mother, remember to make Susan go outside at least once in a while, keep an eye on Edmund, tuck Lucy in each night, so many things to say, yet there was only time left for one word.

"Goodbye."

* * *

Susan looked so sad and lost as she stood there in the stairwell. I could tell she was waiting for Peter to finish talking to me before she came in. Peter glanced up at her than moved away so that I could have a moment alone with his sister.

"Susan," I said in way of greeting, "how come you're up so early?" I opened up my arms as she ran toward me.

"Do you have to leave?" I could barely hear her voice because her face was buried in my chest.

"You know I do." But even though I knew that she knew it did not make the parting any easier. "I will be back." I gently rubbed her shoulders where my arms were wrapped. "I promise, and you know I always keep my promises." I could feel her nod into my chest.

"I know, I just don't want you to leave." _And I don't want to leave._ The words were on the tip of my tongue, but I knew that if I actually said them I would never be able to go.

"I love you darling."

"I love you to daddy." I smiled through my sorrow, it had been so long since she had called me that, I hadn't realized how long until just now.

"I'll make you some breakfast." She said as she began to pull away. I pulled her back for one last hug.

"Goodbye Susan."

"Goodbye dad." I could hear the tears on her voice, she was trying to be strong but I knew she would break as soon as I was out the door.

I gave her one last squeeze and a last whisper: "Goodbye."

* * *

Edmund was the final child left to bid farewell to, and I awaited his awakening with some trepidation. We used to be close but ever since he came back from that new school he has been so distant. I can only wait to see what his response will be.

"Good morning." The voice of my youngest son breaks my reverie, forcing me begin a conversation I had no idea how to control.

"Good morning Edmund." For a brief moment I wondered if he would allow me to give him a hug, I brushed it aside quickly, that was a very bad idea to try. "How are you doing this morning?" I knew it was a horrible question, all of our conversations since he left had been this awkward.

"Fine." My mind struggled for anything to say. His answer was so simple that it merited no response.

"Edmund," I fished for a way to phrase my next thought that he would not fight against, "I know you and Peter do not get along very well, but while I'm gone he will be in charge." I paused for a moment and attempted to gauge his reaction. "Please listen to him." That last statement drove him over the edge. His face clouded and he took a step backwards.

"Peter is not my boss. I don't have to listen to him." I could see the defiance burning in his eyes.

"Edmund, please..." I knew he wouldn't listen to my plea so I fell silent. I decided that if I did not try now I would wish I had for the entire time I was gone. I stepped toward him and tried to give him a hug. The response was not quite what I had expected, in a good way. I had thought he would jerk away, instead he hugged me in response.

"Goodbye dad, I _am_ going to miss you."

"Oh Edmund, I'm going to miss you too." I released him, not wanting to push my luck. "I love you Edmund." He nodded in response and I was struck at how alike he and Peter acted when they were sad, both resorting to nodding when they could not speak, neither of them even tried to speak at that point.

I knew that I was going to have to leave soon. I gave Edmund one last half hug and whispered into his hair, "Goodbye."

* * *

I hope this wasn't disappointing. Please review. I will put up another chapter tonight.


	3. Lucy Pevensie

Part Three: Lucy

_Why_? I do not understand. He has always been there, watching over me, protecting me. Mum says he will be back for autumn break, but that is so long, he has never been away for that long.

"Goodbye Lucy-Goosie." I cannot help but laugh at his nick name for me.

"When will you be back Peter?" He is pulling on his coat now, tears begin to well up in my eyes.

"I'll be home for autumn break Lucy."

"But that's so far away." The tears began to fall as Peter pulled on his muffler.

"I'll talk to you on the telephone." I feel Peter's arms as he wraps me in a hug, "don't worry, I'll see you soon."

"Goodbye Peter." I cannot make any more noise than a whisper.

"Goodbye Lucy," he I can feel him kiss the top of my head and gave her one last hug.

"Goodbye."

* * *

I don't know what to do. Just last year we were six and now we are only five, and to make matters worse, Susan is leaving as well.

"Where are you going?" The question had been pressing to my mind, I remember Peter saying that where he was going there were only boys.

"I am going to boarding school, same as Peter." Susan's reply was more of a snap, but I understood because she was in a great hurry to pack.

"But there are only boys there." Susan's impatient sigh made me take a step back and toward my bed, she was not in a patient mood.

"I am not going to go to the _same_ school, I'm going to another boarding school which is for girls."

"But Peter won't be there to look after you." How on earth was Susan going to survive? Peter looked after us; that was what he did. "What will you do?" I repeated when Susan did not reply.

"I will look after myself." Susan's voice became more commanding, she was talking in her _shut up now or I will kill you_ voice. "Hand me that scarf will you?" Susan's absentminded voice made me wonder if she even knew what tone she was using. I was about to question again when we were interrupted.

"Susan!" Peter's voice rose up the stairs. "Susan, it's time to go!"

"Coming Peter!" Susan gave me a quick hug and kiss, I had not expected much, but more than that. But she was gone before I could say anything.

"Goodbye Lucy."

I walked over to the window and watched as Susan climbed into the car with Peter and my parents. My hand rose almost as if by its own will, there was no reason for me to wave; I knew Susan would never look back. "Goodbye Susan." The car pulled away from the curb and quickly disappeared from view. My mind snapped back to the present as a clatter echoed up the stairs. I rushed to shut the door before Edmund came in. Without either of my eldest siblings, I knew my life was about to get bad.

I do not know if I was saying goodbye to my sister or life as I knew it. "Goodbye."

* * *

I had no idea what to do. Mum was leaving. It would be the first time ever that mum was not there to look after me, which meant no mum to run to when Ed was mean. I wandered into my parent's bedroom; Mum was still packing, just as I had known she would be.

"Can I please come?" I already knew the answer to the question, but there was no harm in begging a little while longer.

"I'm sorry Lucy," I knew that was what she would say, I had asked her every day since I found out they were going. "There is not enough room at the inn we are staying at. The Conference would only pay for a certain size." She had been telling me that for almost a week now and I was getting sick of it.

"I don't take up much room." I pushed my lip into a pout and let it quiver for effect. Then I thought of an argument that I had not tried, which was a feet in and of itself since I had been arguing for almost a week straight. "Please don't leave me here alone with Edmund." I could see her hesitation in the way she paused the packing of fathers extra shirts.

"Susan will look after you." If only mother knew how wrong she was. Susan does nothing but talk to her friends and argue with Edmund when I asked for her help.

"Mummy please?" I was the first time I had used the fullest level of begging I had in my system in a long time and I could tell Mum noticed. "Please take me with you?"

"Lucy, you are going to have to be a big girl." That was not the answer I was looking for.

"But mummy, Ed is being so horrible!" I knew that this argument was my best bet.

"I know darling, but Susan will look after you." I followed her all the way down stairs, sure to drag my feet and look sad, neither of which was hard to do.

I did not have a moment alone with Mum again, they left that afternoon. I could hear their hurried goodbyes as they rushed out the door. I ran to the door, calling my goodbyes as I went.

"Goodbye dad!" I waved quickly as they got in the car. "Goodbye mum." I could hear Edmund coming up behind me and began counting down the hours until Mum and Dad returned. I raised my hand in a silent farewell before whispering one last "goodbye."

* * *

_She is gone_. That is all I knew. The train station had been such a mess. Now here I am riding a train to who knows where. It was also the first time I had been on a trip without Mum to look after me. At least Peter is here, if I had been alone with Edmund and Susan I probably could not have survived.

I thought back to our parting on the platform, Mum had been trying so hard not to cry, so was Susan. I could not have cried even if I wanted too; I was too bewildered to cry. So much was happening at the same time, so many people crowding around, so many weeping mothers, Peter was the only solid rock and I was glad to have his presence beside her during the fight to get on the train.

With another glance out the window I got a last glimpse of the retreating city of London. I pressed her face up against the glass, waving farewell to someone who I thought might never see again.

"Goodbye Mum." I whispered, I could feel Peter wrap his arms around me in a comforting hug. "Goodbye."

* * *

I am not sure if Lucy is too manipulative. I tried writing it without and she seemed a bit Mary Sue. Please let me know. Review!


	4. Edmund Pevensie

Part Four: Edmund

Thank you to everyone who reviewed and followed! Especially Lady Hannah, for the suggestions. I have fixed one thing and will re-write Susan later.

* * *

"Ed, are you going to say goodbye to Peter?" Susan's voice broke into Edmund's foggy brain. He had been taking a nap, per his mum's orders, and was not quite ready to get up.

"Go away." It was more of a mumble then an actual response but Susan let it slide.

"He's leaving soon." Edmund just shooed her out with a motion of his hand. Edmund's mind wondered to the future, an alien concept to his seven-year-old mind, life without Peter was scary for him; Peter was always there, looking after him. This was the first year that Edmund would be going to school without having his big brother in the same building.

"Edmund! Come on downstairs!" His mothers call beckoned him to say farewell to the firmest rock in his life.

"Good afternoon Ed." Peter sounded far too joyful, and Edmund's quick moving mind deduced that Peter was glad to be leaving. Edmund's only response was a grunt, his once happy mood sinking quickly at his newest realization.

"Are you ready to leave son?" Everyone sounded happy except his mother, she seemed to be the only one who realized what was about to happen. Peter walked out the door and for a moment Edmund panicked because he thought that Peter was going to leave without saying goodbye.

"Peter wait up!" Edmund called as he dashed for the door. "Wait for me!"

"Don't worry Ed," just hearing Peters voice had a calming effect on Edmund. "I'll be back inside in just a moment." Edmund felt silly for running after Peter, but he really did not care. Peter could not leave without saying goodbye.

"Ed, where are you?" Peters questioning voice reached Edmund and he hurried to find his elder brother.

"Goodbye, Peter." Edmund quickly wrapped his arms around Peter and returned the elders hug. "Goodbye, Ed." The response was whispered into Edmund's dark hair. They pulled apart, these shows of affection were rare between brothers, neither very comfortable with them.

"Peter come, it's time to go!" Peter began to walk toward the door at his father's call.

"Goodbye, Peter." Edmund called one last time as Peter disappeared out the door. "Goodbye."

* * *

"Goodbye, son." Edmund could hear his father's voice, but he could not say anything in return, he was simply doing his best to keep walking. He had been excited about to boarding school. But as soon as he learned that he was going to a different school than Peter his excitement had dissipated and now he only felt dread.

"Goodbye, Edmund." His mother's voice broke as she tried to control her emotion. "I'll see you soon." Edmund hugged his mother and held on for all he was worth. He knew that he should be a big boy, that he should be strong like Peter, but he could not. He could feel tears beginning to trace down his cheeks and felt angry at himself. But even then he could not let go. The thought of being away from his family for that long was horrifying to his young mind.

He got on the train. Edmund had never felt so alone in his entire life. He quickly scrambled to find his seat before the train pulled out of the station.

"Goodbye, Mum!" Edmund called, leaning as far out the window as he could.

"Goodbye, Edmund!" Edmund returned back at her vigorous wave.

The train began to move with a lurch. Then they passed around a bend and the only world he knew was gone till Christmas.

"Goodbye, mum." He called one more time before pulling himself back into the car.

"Goodbye."

* * *

Edmund really did not know what to say. He knew that he was wrong. He knew that he should simply admit that it was his fault. But he could not. Not when it meant admitting that Peter was right. He was so sick of Peter always being so perfect; it was never Peter's fault. So instead of confessing he simply stood there, trying to look as angry as possible, as if he were the victim instead of the perpetrator. And just as he had known would happen, Mum instantly sided with Peter. Edmund could do nothing more than stalk away. Life was not fair here. He could not wait to get back to school. At least he had lots of friends there.

"Goodbye, Edmund." How dare he? Peter thought that he could just walk up to Edmund as if nothing was wrong. The idiot. Edmund did not reply to Peter's greeting, Edmund just wanted to get to the station so he could get on the train. He brushed past Peter too quickly to see the look of hurt on Peter's face. To be honest, Edmund did not realize how much he had changed in the past few months.

"Goodbye." Peter said one more time before he walked away and headed for the house. Then he was gone. Edmund knew that he should have said something. He should have told Peter goodbye, but it was too late for that now. Peter could just go be holy by himself.

Edmund quickly climbed into the car and they pulled out headed for the station. Almost before he could stop himself Edmund turned back to the house and waved at Peter's window. _Goodbye, Peter._ He thought in the general direction of where Peter probably was. Edmund could not see Peter lift his hand and wave in response, a smile flitting across his face.

Edmund whispered one last farewell, "Goodbye."

* * *

Please Review!


	5. Narnia

Part Five: To Narnia

This one was hard to write and I am not sure if I ever got it. Please let me know what you think.

Lucy

Every morning I wake up, feel the warm sunshine on my face, smell the sweet blossoms outside my window and for a perfect split second I believe that it was all a bad dream and I am really lying in my bed in Cair Paravel and in a few moments the maid is going to come in and help me dress. But then I hear the sound of Mrs. Macready in the hall and I know that everything is not perfect, I remember that I am really back in boring old England. I remember that I am no longer Home.

I was standing by my window this morning when Susan came walking in, I know that it has been hard on her as well; she looks so forlorn standing there, a queen without her country.

"Do you think we will ever go back?" Her voice breaks the silence; it is a question that I have thought about long and hard ever since we stepped back into England.

"One day." Out of the corner of my eye I can see Susan jump slightly, as if she had not meant to speak out loud.

"What's that Lucy?" Susan asked absentmindedly. For a moment I wondered if she was okay but then I realized that chances were that she was just distracted by the same thing as every other member of this family.

"You just asked if I thought we were ever going back." I clarified.

"Oh." Susan paused for a moment, "I did not mean to say that out loud." Another pause. "But do you?" The question hung in the air for several agonizing seconds, I tried to pull my thoughts, and doubts, into one cohesive sentence but failed horridly.

"Yes." Was all I could manage.

"How can you still have faith after all that has happened?" I was shocked by her change in tone, she sounded so small, timid almost. And for that voice to come out of Queen Susan I knew that something was happening that she had not told me about.

"Susan," I began, uncertain how to phrase the question.

"Always the full of faith." Susan cut me off, "You are so lucky." I was taken aback. Certainly there had been moments when Susan's faith was not the strongest, but even in private she never allowed herself to get this low.

Edmund arrived before I could press further and said that Peter wanted to meet us out by the lake, though Ed said he did not know what was going on.

We walked in a companionable silence, Edmund, Susan and I. Normally I would be chattering away but my thoughts still drifted in a far away land. Would I ever be able to go back? I certainly hoped so, but really I did not know. Was Aslan angry with us? Had we done something wrong? I wondered how long my questions would go unanswered. Then I realized, I think that perhaps I knew all along, it just took me that long to accept the truth. I may never go back to Narnia, but it did not matter, not really. Aslan was far too powerful to be kept in one place or another; He must be here as well as there. Though I was no longer a queen I could still live for Him. And then if, one day, Aslan decided that I could return Home I would be ready for him. So it was walking toward the lake one day that I let go of Narnia, not the memories, for those I would hold dear for as long as I lived. No, I let go of the mindset that what happens in Narnia stays in Narnia. And in that minute I decided to live my life in England like I lived my life in Narnia, that way I would never have to say goodbye.

* * *

Edmund

I don't know how Peter does it. I mean honestly, just this morning he was trying to move the trunk to get the slipper that had been kicked under it. If I had not felt so sorry for him I probably would have laughed. I was so used to seeing Peter as a warrior, not a boy who started panting and sweating simply trying to move a measly trunk. That, of course, made my mind drift to Narnia, which then ruled out any other train of thought until I could think of nothing else but Home.

_Home_. I knew it had been on all our minds; essentially every waking thought was, in some way, related to the land we had ruled for so long. Lucy seemed to be handling it well, she always had faith, she probably still believed that we would go back one day. Susan seemed to be getting depressed, small surprise there, and Peter was handling in the stoic manner he accepted everything that came his way. And me? I really didn't know what I thought. There was a part of me, a major part, that knew I would never go back. Narnia had been too wonderful to last. But there was another part of me, small but loud and growing, a part that said _yes, you will return_. These two parts had been warring ever since we stepped back through the wardrobe.

"Edmund." Peter's voice broke through my thoughts, dragging me back to reality. "Will you go get the girls, The Macready wants us out." Once again I was struck by the change in my brother, before Narnia he would have embellished that with a roll of his blue eyes. "Let's all meet down by the lake." I nodded, if the Macready was cleaning than I wanted to be far away. Very far away.

I found the girls than we headed down to the lake to meet Peter. My mind quickly drifted back to Narnia and the near constant battle between hope and despair. Perhaps it could be argued that I was imagining things, perhaps that I wanted to hear Him too much. But I know what I heard. And that afternoon, while walking to the lake, I heard a Lion's roar in the wind and felt His peace in my heart, and I knew that one day I would go Home and never have to say goodbye.

* * *

Susan

I felt so lost. I tried to be brave for my siblings, goodness knows they were having just as hard a time of it as I was. I was having trouble adjusting to the lack of things to do. Less than one month ago I was so busy that I scarcely had time to breathe some days, and now I could do nothing but wonder about the house and get scolded for being in the way, another thing that made me want to inform the Macready that I would not stand such rudeness from the servants. But it was only my body that lacked things to do, my mind was ever filled with thoughts of Home. Narnia, I knew that I must start thinking of England as home, not Narnia. I was walking through the house wondering if we would ever go back Home, _Narnia_, I forced myself to remember, _not Home_.

"One day." I jumped, _had Lucy been there the entire time?_ I realized that I must have spoken out loud. I must be going crazy talking to myself. To stop that train of thought I began again. "What's that Lucy?" I questioned, still trying to drag my mind back to the present.

"You just asked if I thought we were ever going back."

"Oh." I said, filling the silence as I scrambled to put into words what I had been wondering for so long. I decided that perhaps it was not best to bring up the subject, once on it Lucy would not talk about anything else for hours. "I did not mean to say that out loud." I clarified so that she would not think I was trying to broach the subject. Then my curiosity got the better of me.

"But do you?" I asked before I could stop myself. I took a deep breath for control than began to wonder if Lucy was losing faith as well, normally she would have remedially blurted out one word.

"Yes." There was the answer I was waiting for.

"How can you still have faith after all that has happened?" I could feel the doubt creeping into my soul as I asked this question, and at that moment I felt less like a Queen of Narnia than I had felt since our return.

"Susan," Lucy began but I could hear the pity in her voice and cut her off before she could continue.

"Always so full of faith. You are so lucky." The last part slipped out before I could stop myself and I immediately regretted saying it. But thankfully Edmund chose that moment to arrive and effectively stopped Lucy's questions before she could even begin.

We began walking toward the lake. We went to the lake so often because it looked so much like a place back Home, _Narnia_, I firmly reminded myself. _"Yes."_The surety in Lucy's answer gave me some hope, but I knew that it was not enough. If we were going back to Narnia than we would have heard something by now. I remembered something that Peter had told me once, _"You've got to let go of it Susan, the tighter you hold on the more it hurts when it let go."_ Perhaps he had not said it in context of Narnia but it still applied. And that meant that the time to let go was that moment. _I love you, I miss you, I will never forget you_. Then I forced myself to think the words that, when I was living there I never would have dreamed of uttering: _I have to let you go, Narnia. Goodbye._

* * *

Peter

_Narnia_, the word was on my thoughts every waking moment. I tried to be strong for my family, goodness knows they were going through just as much as I was, but I still battled in my mind. One part of me hoping that maybe this was just a dream, that I would wake up in the morning back Home, where I belonged. Another part of me, a larger part of me knew that this was reality, that no matter how much I wished I was never going back, that I was trapped away from my Home forever. But there was another part, an even greater part, that knew that this was not forever, one day I would go Home, I would stand in Cair and look out over the sea, and that time I would not leave.

I wondered through the halls of the Professor's mansion and wished that it was my own castle.

"Mr. Pevensie!" Ms. Macready's voice broke through my ponderings. "Would you please gather up your family and make sure that they stay in their rooms. There are guest coming this evening to visit the Professor and I want this place spotless, and I don't need you children in my way." Inside I bristled inside at being called a child but kept my face calm.

"Yes ma'am." I said as politely as I could. "We will probably go for a walk."

Ms. Macready nodded, "just don't track mud in the house."

"Yes ma'am." I said again then went in search of my siblings.

I found my brother sitting in our bedroom.

"Edmund," I began, but then I realized that he was not paying attention to me. "Edmund." I said again, louder. He glanced up at me so I continued, "Will you go get the girls, The Macready wants us out." I was tempted to roll my eyes, but I was not about to act that immature. "Let's all meet down by the lake." Edmund nodded, I knew he hated being ordered about by the staff. Not that we had ever thought of them as just "the staff" back Home, but they would never order us around there.

Edmund headed out the door and after a moment I followed, wondering in the direction of the back door. I loved to go to the lake, it reminded me so much of Home.

As I walked, I allowed my mind to drift back Home. Susan was under the belief that this was Home now and it was time to let go. She never out right said it, but I knew her well enough to tell. Edmund had changed so much in Narnia that he would never be able to forget, would never let himself go back to the way it was before. Lucy… Lucy was being Lucy. Ever hopeful, ever faithful, ever true. Because I was the oldest Lucy was supposed to follow my example, but now I knew that the opposite would be the proper course of action in this instance. I could never give up like Susan, it was in my nature to fight to the last breath. I had not changed as much as Edmund, but what had changed I pledged to hold on to. And though I could never have the faith of Lucy, I could hold on to Aslan's promise. And that afternoon, as I walked down the path to the lake I swore to Narnia and to Aslan that I would never forget, that I would always hold on, and that I would continue to live my life worthy of Him and Home.

If there was one thing I could not say to Narnia, it was goodbye.

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Thanks, Jackie


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